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The Big Five: When Health Anxiety Goes on Safari

If you’ve ever been on safari  or even just watched one you’ll know about the Big Five.

They’re the animals everyone hopes to see:
Lion. Leopard. Elephant. Rhino. Buffalo.

People can spot dozens of other animals, but they’ll often say:

“Yes, but we didn’t see the Big Five.”

In health anxiety, we have our own version of this.

The Health Anxiety Big Five

When someone struggles with health anxiety, there are five diagnoses the mind keeps scanning for  regardless of how small, vague, or ordinary the symptom is.

The Health Anxiety Big Five are usually:

• Cancer
• Multiple Sclerosis
• Stroke
• Heart Attack
• Aneurysm

A headache becomes a brain tumour.
Tingling becomes MS.
Chest tightness becomes a heart attack.
Dizziness becomes a stroke.

The symptom almost doesn’t matter  the mind jumps straight to one of the Big Five.

Why the Anxious Brain Does This

This isn’t because you’re dramatic, irrational, or “looking for attention”.

It’s because an anxious brain is doing what it thinks is its job: detecting threat.

Health anxiety narrows your attention. It teaches your brain:

“If we miss something serious, the consequences are catastrophic.”

So, your mind doesn’t look for likely explanations  it looks for dangerous ones.

Just like someone on safari who ignores birds, antelope, and zebras because they’re only focused on spotting a lion, the anxious brain ignores common, benign explanations and scans for the biggest threat it knows.

The Problem With the Big Five Lens

Here’s the issue.

When every symptom is filtered through the Big Five lens:

• Reassurance never lasts
• Tests never feel “enough”
• New symptoms constantly appear
• The body feels unsafe

Why?

Because you’re not actually responding to the symptom you’re responding to the meaning your mind attaches to it.

And the meaning is always:

“This could be life-threatening.”

That keeps the nervous system in a constant state of alert, which ironically creates more symptoms:

• Muscle tension
• Dizziness
• Palpitations
• GI issues
• Tingling
• Fatigue

Those symptoms then get fed straight back into the Big Five loop.

What Health Anxiety Recovery Actually Involves

Recovery doesn’t come from convincing yourself:

“It’s definitely not cancer / MS / a stroke.”

That just keeps the Big Five centre stage.

Instead, recovery involves learning to:

• Recognise the Big Five reflex
• Tolerate uncertainty without chasing certainty
• Broaden the explanation list again
• Stop treating every sensation as a medical emergency
• Teach your nervous system that your body is not a constant threat

In other words, you stop going on safari every time your body makes a noise.

A Question to Gently Ask Yourself

Next time a symptom appears, try asking:

“Am I reacting to this sensation  or to one of the Big Five stories my mind is telling?”

That question alone can create just enough space to respond differently.

You Are Not Broken. You’re Stuck in a Pattern

Health anxiety isn’t about being weak or overthinking. It’s about a brain that has learned to scan for the most frightening possibilities and struggles to stand down.

The good news?
Patterns can be unlearned.

And once you stop chasing the Big Five, the body often becomes a much quieter, safer place to live.

Let’s talk about mum guilt—the nagging feeling that no matter what you do, it’s not quite enough. You’re not the “perfect” mum. Whether it’s heading out for a well-deserved night off with your best mate or your other half, taking a moment for yourself, or simply feeling like you’re not meeting an impossible standard, the guilt creeps in. Guilt comes from the rules you hold for yourself. For example the rules you hold for what it means to you to be a ‘good mum’ or a ‘good partner’ or a ‘good employeee’ will determine how you behave and the choices you make.  When we do something which we think breaks our rule et voila we feel GUILTY.

Here’s the thing: mum guilt is completely normal—in that you’re not alone in feeling it. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s helpful. In fact, it can end up holding you back from enjoying motherhood and life in general.

So let’s break it down…

Where Does Mum Guilt Come From?

Mum guilt often stems from unrealistic expectations. Maybe you’ve got an idea in your head of what a “perfect” mum should be—one who always knows what to do, never gets tired, and is constantly available for her children. Social media certainly doesn’t help, with pictures of mums looking like they’ve got it all together  in their immaculate house, while you’re scraping food off the wall for the third time that day and trying not to lose your shit.

Then, there’s the guilt of doing something for yourself. Leaving the baby with a baby sitter ( or even your other half) for a night out? Cue the guilt thoughts. “Shouldn’t I be at home with my baby? What kind of mum am I?”

We need to challenge those thoughts and whilst doing so readdress the whole ‘Perfect Mum’ myth.

Challenging the “Perfect Mum” Myth

First things first, the idea of the “perfect mum” is a myth. There’s no such thing, and comparing yourself to this unrealistic standard only fuels feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

A good CBT tool to use here is thought challenging. Ask yourself:

• Is this thought realistic? (e.g., “I’m a terrible mum because I’m going out for the evening.”)
• What would I say to a friend? If your best friend said they felt guilty about having a night out, you’d probably remind them they deserve a break and that their baby is safe and loved. Why not extend the same kindness to yourself?
• Where’s the evidence? Let’s be real—taking a night off doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your child. The evidence shows that happy, well-rested mums are better able to care for their kids. Taking a break actually makes you a more present, loving parent.

Reframing Mum Guilt

Another powerful CBT tool is reframing. This involves looking at your situation from a different perspective. Instead of thinking, “I’m a bad mum for needing time away,” try reframing it as:

• “I’m taking this time to recharge so I can be the best version of myself for my kids.”
• “It’s okay to prioritize my needs sometimes. It doesn’t make me a bad mum, it makes me human.”

By reframing guilty thoughts, you start to change the narrative in your mind. Rather than seeing yourself as failing, you recognize that you’re doing what you need to stay mentally and physically healthy.

The Night Out Dilemma: Why It’s Okay to Take Time for You

We’ve all been there—standing at the door in our “going out” clothes, feeling a mixture of excitement and guilt for leaving the baby behind. But here’s the truth: you deserve time for yourself. Being a mum doesn’t mean losing who you are as a person.

Leaving your child with a trusted babysitter or partner so you can have a night out isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You need time to recharge, relax, and remember that you’re more than just a mum. In fact, by taking care of your own mental health, you’re also teaching your child that it’s okay to take breaks and prioritize self-care.

So get yourselves out girls. Your mental health with thank you for it!.

If you want more tips on how to manage your mental health as a mum then come and join my group A mothers Mind. We are a lovely supportive group. You can join here https://www.facebook.com/groups/2505900989448468/

It’s actually sunny outside in the Yorkshire Dales today!  The garden is full of daffodils and snow drops and as spring comes it’s a perfect time to turn our attention inward and embark on a bit of spring cleaning for the mind. Just as we tidy up and declutter our homes, it’s a great time to engage in mental decluttering.

Declutter Your Thoughts

Our minds can often become cluttered with an overwhelming array of thoughts, worries, and distractions. Spring is an opportune time to declutter the mental space by practicing mindfulness and meditation. Set aside a few moments each day to sit quietly, focus on your breath, and observe your thoughts without judgment. This practice can help you become more aware of your mental clutter and gently release it, creating space for calmness and clarity.

Reflect and Release

Spring is a season of growth and transformation, making it an ideal time to reflect on past experiences and let go of anything that no longer serves you. Take some time to think about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences from the past. Identify any negative patterns or emotions that you’re ready to release, and consciously choose to let them go. By releasing the past, you can embrace the present moment.

Cultivate Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a powerful way to shift your mindset and cultivate a sense of abundance and appreciation in your life. Make a habit of reflecting on the things you’re grateful for each day, whether it’s the beauty of nature, the support of loved ones, or the simple pleasures of everyday life. Keeping a gratitude journal can help if this is new to you.

Nourish Your Mind

Just as we nourish our bodies with healthy food, it’s important to nourish our minds with positive input. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and stimulate your mind, whether it’s reading a book, listening to music, or seeing friends.  Surround yourself with uplifting and inspiring content that feeds your soul and energizes your spirit. This might also mean doing a detox of your social media content!

Practice Self-Compassion

Spring cleaning for the mind isn’t just about decluttering and revitalizing—it’s also about showing yourself compassion and kindness along the way. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this process, and remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Celebrate your progress and acknowledge your efforts, no matter how small they may seem.

Happy spring cleaning!

January arrives, and with it comes a wave of emotions that might not match the festive cheer of the preceding months. The January blues, often felt after the whirlwind of the holiday season, can leave you feeling a bit down, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s a feeling lots of us share as we move from the festive Christmas period into the New year.

Embracing the Transition

The shift from Christmas into the routine of everyday life can be jarring. Even though lots of us cannot wait to put the Xmas dec’s away and have a sense of order return (or is that just me?!) it does leave the house looking empty and a bit flat.

Weathering the Seasonal Changes

January brings cold weather, shorter days, and longer nights. The lack of sunlight and the winter chill can impact mood and energy levels. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression related to changes in seasons, is common during this time. The reduced exposure to natural light can affect the body’s internal clock, leading to feelings of fatigue and sadness.

Coping Strategies for January Blues

Acknowledging and addressing these feelings is the first step in managing the January blues. Here are some strategies that may help navigate this emotional phase:

1. Self-Care Rituals: Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that bring comfort and joy. Whether it’s reading a favorite book, taking long walks, practicing mindfulness, or enjoying a warm bath, these rituals can provide solace during the transition.
2. Setting Realistic Goals: Embrace the new year by setting achievable goals. However, it’s crucial to be realistic and kind to oneself. Small, manageable goals can bring a sense of accomplishment without overwhelming pressure.
3. Seeking Light: Combat the effects of reduced daylight by spending time outdoors, opening curtains to let natural light in, or using light therapy lamps, which mimic natural sunlight and can alleviate symptoms of SAD.
4. Connecting with Others: Maintain social connections. Reach out to friends and family for support. Engaging in social activities or volunteering can uplift spirits and create a sense of community.
5. Mindful Practices: Incorporate mindfulness or meditation into daily routines. These practices can help manage stress, improve mood, and promote a sense of calm and clarity.

Embracing Positivity in the New Year

Remember, the January blues are transient. This phase will pass, and brighter days lie ahead. Embrace this time as an opportunity for reflection, growth, and new beginnings. The start of a new year presents a chance to set intentions, pursue passions, and embark on new adventures.

Let’s navigate the January blues with compassion for ourselves. Acknowledging these feelings and implementing self-care strategies can foster resilience and pave the way for a fulfilling year ahead. So, as January unfolds, let’s embrace the journey and welcome the possibilities that lie ahead.

Did you know New Year’s resolutions and mental health are closely linked?  I am tempted to just say ‘ Dont even bother doing them’ but that would make a very short blog post wouldn’t it?  And to be fair setting and achieving goals can have a significant impact on your well-being.

However, it’s important to approach New Year’s resolutions with mindfulness and consideration of your mental health. Personally I like to have a theme for the year and try and weave that into whatever I am doing throughout the year. Last years word was ‘enhance’. I just wanted to try and raise everything I did up a notch. Did I acheive it? Well the honest answer is; sometimes. And I am ok with that. My word this year is Excitement!

If setting resolutions as your thing here are my top tips for making resolutions that promote good mental health…

1. Set Realistic Goals: Make sure your resolutions are attainable and not overly ambitious. Unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of failure and increased stress. Start with small, achievable steps.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Include resolutions that prioritize self-care practices, such as getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in regular exercise. Physical health has a profound impact on mental health.
3. Focus on Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These practices can help reduce stress and improve mental clarity.
4. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Consider making a resolution to find a therapist to support your mental well-being.
5. Social Connections: Resolve to strengthen your social connections and build a supportive network. Maintaining healthy relationships can positively impact your mental health.
6. Be Kind to Yourself: Self-compassion is essential. Instead of being overly critical when you face setbacks, practice self-compassion and treat yourself with understanding and patience.
7. Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or use a goal-tracking app to monitor your progress. Celebrate your achievements and use setbacks as learning opportunities rather than reasons for self-criticism.
8. Stay Flexible: Be willing to adapt your resolutions as needed. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes it’s necessary to modify your goals to better align with your current circumstances.
9. Set Mental Health Goals: Consider setting specific mental health-related goals, such as managing stress, reducing anxiety, or developing resilience. These goals can help you focus on your emotional well-being.
10. Connect with Supportive Communities: Join support groups or online communities focused on mental health. Sharing your experiences and learning from others can be beneficial.
11. Monitor Perfectionism: Be mindful of perfectionistic tendencies. Striving for perfection can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Aim for progress, not perfection.

Remember that New Year’s resolutions are not a one-size-fits-all and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to approach your resolutions with self-awareness and a focus on what will genuinely promote your mental well-being. If you find that your resolutions are causing more stress or anxiety, it’s okay to adjust or abandon them. Your mental health should always be a top priority.

Christmas is round the corner and whilst it’s usually depicted as a time of joy, love, and togetherness, for many of us Mums Christmas can also be a source of stress and anxiety. The pressure to create a perfect Christmas experience, Elf on the Shelf, Christmas Eve boxes and no end of other shit combined with the hustle and bustle of shopping, cooking, and decorating, can take a toll on your well-being. And don’t even get me started on the amount extra admin that comes from school and nursery. It’s insane.

Fortunately, there are ways to minimize stress and anxiety during the festive season.

So here are my top tips to help you enjoy a more relaxed and peaceful Christmas season.

1. Plan Ahead

One of the most effective ways to alleviate stress is by planning ahead. Create a to-do list or a calendar of events. I have one master spreadsheet onto which I write everything that’s happening at school, my present list and a to do list. I’m lucky I don’t have to cook Christmas dinner but if I did then the food list would go in here also. This will help you stay organized and reduce the last-minute rush. Make sure to set realistic expectations for what you can accomplish. You can share your spreadsheet with other people in your life e.g., partners, ex partners, in laws and don’t be afraid to ask for help!

2. Set a Budget

Financial stress is a common source of anxiety during the holidays. Set a budget for your Christmas spending and stick to it. Consider homemade gifts or thoughtful gestures rather than expensive presents. Anything with a drawing on it your kids have done that can be made into something for a relative is always a winner!

3. Simplify Decorations

You don’t have to turn your home into a winter wonderland to create a festive atmosphere. Simplify your decorations, focus on the ones that bring you the most joy, and don’t overextend yourself. A few well-placed ornaments and lights can work wonders without overwhelming you. Do not get swayed by all the stuff you see on Instagram!

4. Delegate Tasks

You don’t have to do everything on your own. Enlist the help of family and friends for tasks like cooking, decorating, and cleaning. Sharing responsibilities can lighten the load on your shoulders. Get your kids involved if you can if they are old enough.

5. Self-Care

Remember to take care of yourself during the holidays… It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and forget your own well-being. Make time for relaxation, exercise, and healthy eating. Practicing self-care will help you stay grounded and better equipped to handle any stress that may arise.

6. Manage Expectations

Perfection is not the goal. No holiday is without its imperfections, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and the day. Focus on the joy of spending time with loved ones, rather than striving for a flawless, social media worthy day.

7. Say No When Necessary

You don’t have to say “yes” to every invitation or request over Christmas and New year. It’s perfectly acceptable to decline some commitments if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Prioritize the activities and events that mean the most to you.

8. Stay Connected

Even if you can’t be physically present with your loved ones, stay connected through video calls, phone calls, or heartfelt messages. Loneliness can exacerbate stress, so maintaining connections can provide comfort and support.

9. Embrace Imperfection

Lastly, remember that perfection is not the key to a great Christmas. Embrace the imperfections and cherish the moments of laughter and love. Christmas is about creating cherished memories and celebrating the people in your life.

10. Set Boundaries

Set Clear boundaries with family members in regard to what you will and won’t do or tolerate. Family can massively contribute to stress and anxiety over the Christmas periods so having clear boundaries for yourself can help to protect your mental health.

The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and togetherness, not a source of stress and anxiety. By following these top ten tips, you can create a more relaxed and enjoyable Christmas experience for yourself and your loved ones. Plan ahead, set a budget, simplify, delegate, practice self-care, and manage expectations to help keep stress and anxiety at bay. This way, you can focus on what truly matters during the holidays: love and connection.

I feel like an actress most days.

A client said that to me the other day. That she feels like an actress playing a part of a women who has it all together when inside it’s a whole different story. I really resonated with that.

After I had Bella I took a year off but I agreed to take a few meetings with one or two key clients  just to keep my hand in over the year. The first meeting I did was when Bella was around 3 months old. I felt like absolute shit. I was by this point in the grips of what was to become a year long anxiety battle but I went anyway.  Mainly because one of my anxieties was about not being at work but that’s a whole other story!

I stuck on some heels and a semi smart top and stuck some make up on my face and off I went. I still remember it today 8 years later. We met at a hotel in Kings Cross and when I walked in, I felt nervous. For context I had been in my job 13 years when I went off to have Bella. I hadn’t felt nervous for a meeting in YEARS. And this was with a long standing client and my boss who I considered friends. And yet here I was.

I stuck a smile on my face and walked in. The first thing my boss said as he turned to my client was ‘See she looks amazing’. I don’t think he was talking about my weight, just my general attitude and overall look. I guess I looked like my ‘old’ pre baby self.

But I was far from it. The lipstick and the heels were doing a great job of masking what I was feeling inside.  I was happy to have a window into my old life, to sit in posh hotels and wear nice clothes again but I didn’t feel like the old me. I was tired, missing my baby, feeling guilty for being even  a bit happy that I was away and anxious that I didn’t know what I was doing anymore and I would get caught out.

I was also starting to do that thing that anxious people do. I was going inwards with my thinking. Running a monologue in my head that meant I wasn’t really focused on the meeting and what was being said.

I did the meeting and rushed to get the train home.  I had played the part of my old life and the old me for a few hours and now it was back to the new life and the new me.