I can still remember lying in the hospital with Bella resting between my knees, staring at this tiny human I had spent nine months growing and protecting. I looked into her little face and told her, “Hi, I’m your mummy.”
True story. I literally introduced myself to her like I was meeting someone at a networking event or a wedding.
And honestly? It didn’t feel how I thought it would.
When You Don’t Feel Like a Mum Straight Away
I knew I was her mum, but I didn’t feel like one. Does that even make sense? It was like someone walked up and said, “Congratulations, you’re the Prime Minister now" or the queen of England!
The title is there. But I had no idea what to do with it. My brain went deep into its subconscious and came up with… zilch.
And here’s the thing no one really says out loud:
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Loving your baby can feel weirdly abstract in the beginning.
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That overwhelming “rush of love” the media sells us? Not everyone feels it.
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Instead, many mums feel awkward, anxious, or even terrified.
Why the Love Feels Different with a Newborn
When you think about what makes us love people, it’s usually:
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their personality
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shared experiences
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memories you’ve built together
With a newborn, you don’t have any of that yet. You’ve just met them. So the love is more like a knowledge this baby is mine so I know I should love it rather than a flood of deep emotional connection.
And that’s terrifying for a lot of new mums.
The Weight of Responsibility
The enormity of motherhood hits fast. Suddenly, you’re responsible for this tiny human… forever. That’s usually the moment when new mum anxiety sneaks in. When you are at your most vulnerable.
Many of the women I work with in my therapy practice say the same thing:
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First came relief that the birth was over and everyone had come through unscathed.
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Then came fear about what was next.
Keeping the baby alive. Learning how to care for them. Figuring out who you are now with this new title: Mum.
You’re Not Alone If You Feel This Way
The truth is, most mums don’t feel that instant “Hollywood moment” of bliss. What you’re experiencing is common, but because no one talks about it, it can feel like something is wrong with you.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just adjusting to a massive life change.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever thought:
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“Why don’t I feel like a mum?”
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“Am I failing because I don’t feel bonded straight away?”
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“Why am I so anxious when everyone else looks like they’ve got it together?”
You’re not broken. You’re just human. And you’re not alone.
✨ If you’re a mum struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, or guilt, I share weekly tips and support in my newsletter. You can get it by clicking this link HERE
