The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mum: Why It’s Time to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mum: Why It’s Time to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Being a mum is hard enough without feeling like you have to be perfect at it. And yet, for so many of us, that’s exactly what it feels like — a constant struggle to live up to impossible standards. The rise of social media has only magnified this pressure, creating an endless stream of “perfect” moments that make even the best of us question if we’re doing enough.

If you’ve ever looked at a carefully curated family photo or a spotless living room on Instagram and thought, “Why can’t I manage that?” — you’re not alone.

How Social Media Fuels the Perfect Mum Myth

Social media is full of beautiful snapshots: kids in coordinated outfits, spotless playrooms, elaborate birthday parties, and mums looking effortlessly stylish. But we all know these images are just that — snapshots. They capture one moment in time and rarely show the chaos, mess, and very human struggles happening behind the scenes.

Yet, the more we scroll, the more it starts to feel like everyone has it together but us. Research shows that social media use can increase feelings of inadequacy, envy, and low self-esteem, especially when we’re comparing ourselves to highly filtered, selectively shared content. And as mums, it’s all too easy to fall into the comparison trap when it feels like everyone else is setting the “perfect” example. The way the algorithm works its only going to chuck more of the same content at you. So, there is no getting away from it.

The “Highlight Reel” Effect

Social media is a highlight reel, and we’re constantly reminded of that. But even knowing this, it can be hard to resist comparing your day-to-day reality with someone’s best moments. In real life, we see the tantrums, the sleepless nights, and the unwashed dishes. Online, we see family vacations, happy smiles, and colour-coordinated nurseries. The result? An impossible, one-dimensional standard that nobody — not even the people posting it — can consistently live up to.

Why the Pressure to Be Perfect Hurts Mums

When we feel the pressure to be perfect, we’re setting ourselves up for failure because “perfect” simply doesn’t exist. This mindset can have serious consequences for our mental health and well-being.

1. Increased Anxiety and Self-Doubt

Trying to live up to a flawless image of motherhood is exhausting. We end up questioning our every decision, wondering if we’re doing enough, or if we’re “ruining” our children by not being able to meet every standard. This can lead to an endless cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, where we’re constantly questioning if we’re good enough.

2. Negative Impact on Self-Worth

When we don’t feel like we’re measuring up, it’s easy to feel like we’re failing — not just as mums but as people. And this constant comparison can erode our self-worth, making it difficult to feel proud of our wins, big or small.

3. Loss of Authentic Connections

Social media can create a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, where we’re more focused on appearances than on creating real, supportive connections. When we’re stuck trying to maintain a facade of perfection, it stops you from feeling you can open up about real struggles and challenges we’re facing, missing out on genuine support from other mums who are going through the exact same thing.

5 Steps to Let Go of the Perfect Mum Myth

While it’s easier said than done, there are ways to let go of these unrealistic expectations and embrace a healthier, more realistic approach to motherhood.

1. Remember That Everyone Struggles

Behind every perfect Instagram photo is a real person with real struggles. Remind yourself that no one’s life is as polished as it might appear on social media. Most mums face the same mess, stress, and overwhelm you do — they just don’t post about it. Embrace this reality and give yourself permission to be real too.

2. Limit Social Media Consumption

Try setting limits on your social media time or unfollowing accounts that make you feel pressured or inadequate. Instead, look for accounts that offer honest, unfiltered glimpses into motherhood, or that encourage you to be kind to yourself. Taking breaks from social media can also help you focus more on your own journey and less on the comparisons.

3. Challenge the Inner Critic with CBT Techniques

If you notice a constant stream of critical thoughts — “I should be better at this,” or “Why can’t I do what other mums do?” — try challenging these thoughts. In CBT, we call this reframing. Instead of “I’m not doing enough,” try saying, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” Remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal; being a loving, present mum is.

4. Celebrate Small Wins

Rather than focusing on what you haven’t done, take a moment to recognize the little things you accomplish every day. Maybe you managed to make it to bedtime without raising your voice, or you remembered to pack the spare nappies. These are real wins, and they deserve recognition.

5. Prioritize yourself and Your Boundaries

You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be kind to yourself. Setting boundaries with social media, friends, and family can also help reduce some of the pressures you feel. By doing so, you’ll have more energy to be the kind of mum you want to be — and more compassion for yourself when things don’t go perfectly.

A Reminder for Every Mum

Letting go of the “perfect mum” myth doesn’t happen overnight. But every small step you take to embrace authenticity over perfection is a victory. You’re already enough, just as you are, and there’s no need to live up to an image that’s more filter than fact.

So next time you catch yourself comparing or feeling inadequate, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that every mum faces challenges, and the best gift you can give your children is to show them what real, compassionate, and imperfect love looks like.

Let’s start shifting our mindset as mums to celebrate the journey, not the image. You deserve to feel proud, supported, and whole — no filters required.

Why boundaries are important as a Mum

From the moment children enter your life you become stretched thin. All your time, energy, emotional bandwidth, finances everything gets stretched. It’s easy when this happens for boundaries to become blurred or even worse forgotten.

Boundaries are essential for maintaining balance, preserving mental and emotional well-being, and fostering healthy relationships..

They are the invisible lines we draw to protect our physical, emotional, and mental space. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others. For mums, boundaries are crucial for maintaining a sense of autonomy, self-respect, and sanity amidst the demands of parenting.

So why do we need them?

As a mum, it’s natural to prioritize the needs of your children and family. However, neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout, resentment, and diminished well-being. Setting boundaries allows you to carve out time for self-care, hobbies, recharging your batteries.

(And boundaries teach your children valuable lessons about respect, empathy, and healthy relationships!)

Types of Boundaries for Mums:

1. Time Boundaries: Establishing designated “me-time” for self-care activities such as exercise, hobbies, or relaxation.
2. Emotional Boundaries: Recognizing and honouring your emotions, while also setting limits on how much emotional labor you’re willing to take on.
3. Physical Boundaries: Communicating your need for personal space and physical comfort, especially when it comes to cuddles, hugs, or personal belongings.
4. Social Boundaries: Being selective about social engagements and setting limits on your availability for socializing to prevent overwhelm.

Tips for Setting Boundaries:

1. Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what’s important to you and where you need to set boundaries to safeguard your well-being.
2. Communicate Clearly: Express your boundaries assertively yet kindly, using “I” statements to convey your needs without blame or guilt.
3. Be Consistent: Enforce your boundaries consistently to establish a clear message and reinforce respect for your limits.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s okay to say no and prioritize your needs. Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with understanding friends, family members, or support groups who respect your boundaries and offer encouragement.

Enforcing Boundaries: Enforcing boundaries can be challenging, especially when met with resistance or pushback from loved ones. However, staying firm and consistent is essential for maintaining your self-respect and preserving your well-being. Remember that setting boundaries is not about controlling others but rather about honoring your own needs and values.

As a mum, setting boundaries is not only important for you but also your family. By prioritizing self-care and asserting your needs, you create a healthier and more balanced environment for everyone.

January Blues

January arrives, and with it comes a wave of emotions that might not match the festive cheer of the preceding months. The January blues, often felt after the whirlwind of the holiday season, can leave you feeling a bit down, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s a feeling lots of us share as we move from the festive Christmas period into the New year.

Embracing the Transition

The shift from Christmas into the routine of everyday life can be jarring. Even though lots of us cannot wait to put the Xmas dec’s away and have a sense of order return (or is that just me?!) it does leave the house looking empty and a bit flat.

Weathering the Seasonal Changes

January brings cold weather, shorter days, and longer nights. The lack of sunlight and the winter chill can impact mood and energy levels. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression related to changes in seasons, is common during this time. The reduced exposure to natural light can affect the body’s internal clock, leading to feelings of fatigue and sadness.

Coping Strategies for January Blues

Acknowledging and addressing these feelings is the first step in managing the January blues. Here are some strategies that may help navigate this emotional phase:

1. Self-Care Rituals: Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that bring comfort and joy. Whether it’s reading a favorite book, taking long walks, practicing mindfulness, or enjoying a warm bath, these rituals can provide solace during the transition.
2. Setting Realistic Goals: Embrace the new year by setting achievable goals. However, it’s crucial to be realistic and kind to oneself. Small, manageable goals can bring a sense of accomplishment without overwhelming pressure.
3. Seeking Light: Combat the effects of reduced daylight by spending time outdoors, opening curtains to let natural light in, or using light therapy lamps, which mimic natural sunlight and can alleviate symptoms of SAD.
4. Connecting with Others: Maintain social connections. Reach out to friends and family for support. Engaging in social activities or volunteering can uplift spirits and create a sense of community.
5. Mindful Practices: Incorporate mindfulness or meditation into daily routines. These practices can help manage stress, improve mood, and promote a sense of calm and clarity.

Embracing Positivity in the New Year

Remember, the January blues are transient. This phase will pass, and brighter days lie ahead. Embrace this time as an opportunity for reflection, growth, and new beginnings. The start of a new year presents a chance to set intentions, pursue passions, and embark on new adventures.

Let’s navigate the January blues with compassion for ourselves. Acknowledging these feelings and implementing self-care strategies can foster resilience and pave the way for a fulfilling year ahead. So, as January unfolds, let’s embrace the journey and welcome the possibilities that lie ahead.

New Years Resolutions and your mental health….

Did you know New Year’s resolutions and mental health are closely linked?  I am tempted to just say ‘ Dont even bother doing them’ but that would make a very short blog post wouldn’t it?  And to be fair setting and achieving goals can have a significant impact on your well-being.

However, it’s important to approach New Year’s resolutions with mindfulness and consideration of your mental health. Personally I like to have a theme for the year and try and weave that into whatever I am doing throughout the year. Last years word was ‘enhance’. I just wanted to try and raise everything I did up a notch. Did I acheive it? Well the honest answer is; sometimes. And I am ok with that. My word this year is Excitement!

If setting resolutions as your thing here are my top tips for making resolutions that promote good mental health…

1. Set Realistic Goals: Make sure your resolutions are attainable and not overly ambitious. Unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of failure and increased stress. Start with small, achievable steps.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Include resolutions that prioritize self-care practices, such as getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in regular exercise. Physical health has a profound impact on mental health.
3. Focus on Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These practices can help reduce stress and improve mental clarity.
4. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Consider making a resolution to find a therapist to support your mental well-being.
5. Social Connections: Resolve to strengthen your social connections and build a supportive network. Maintaining healthy relationships can positively impact your mental health.
6. Be Kind to Yourself: Self-compassion is essential. Instead of being overly critical when you face setbacks, practice self-compassion and treat yourself with understanding and patience.
7. Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or use a goal-tracking app to monitor your progress. Celebrate your achievements and use setbacks as learning opportunities rather than reasons for self-criticism.
8. Stay Flexible: Be willing to adapt your resolutions as needed. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes it’s necessary to modify your goals to better align with your current circumstances.
9. Set Mental Health Goals: Consider setting specific mental health-related goals, such as managing stress, reducing anxiety, or developing resilience. These goals can help you focus on your emotional well-being.
10. Connect with Supportive Communities: Join support groups or online communities focused on mental health. Sharing your experiences and learning from others can be beneficial.
11. Monitor Perfectionism: Be mindful of perfectionistic tendencies. Striving for perfection can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Aim for progress, not perfection.

Remember that New Year’s resolutions are not a one-size-fits-all and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to approach your resolutions with self-awareness and a focus on what will genuinely promote your mental well-being. If you find that your resolutions are causing more stress or anxiety, it’s okay to adjust or abandon them. Your mental health should always be a top priority.